In Uncategorized on November 9, 2005 at 12:54 pm

memorandum from captain random:

i am beginning to think that a number of my lightway co-workers do not share my sense of humor. a little bit of evidence that supports my assumption…

two weeks ago, just before our staff meeting, i decided to walk the diz in the rain. thus, when i walked into the conference room, my pants were sopping wet, but my torso was relatively dry due to the water resistant qualities of my long coveted, AA flight line jacket. anyway, when the manager announced that i was the new copywriter and asked if i had anything i would like to say, the following words tumbled out: “i’m so happy i just pissed myself.” instead of laughter, i heard a literal “pip” squeak.

moreover, yesterday, about midway through my introduction to the new “sanctified spam” project, i encouraged the editors by telling them they no longer had to create a monotonous, time consuming, text version of the “spam” to stand alongside their html version. a few of them actually broke out into a cheer, that quickly subsided as soon as i told them that i was “just kidding” (e-i-e-i-o!). at that point, i almost had a mutiny on my hands. this morning, while reflecting on the failure of my humor i was tempted to think that i am not funny. but both of us know that’s not true. the apparent failure of my humor clearly lies at the feet of the editors.

so i spent some time working with the dirty hippy down at vagabond records last night. about halfway through the tracy chapman disc, which was preceded by a marc cohn cd and a frantic search for a hidden bruce cockburn disc, i realized that i am going to be the most uninspiring music clerk ever. i won’t have the musically inspired, manaical energy of barry at championship vinyl or even the artistic, detached, artistic cool of a.j. at the empire. the best i can shoot for is a second rate imitation of randall over at rst video. i’ve got the mixture of antipathy and anger towards the customers down. but, admittedly, i’d rather talk about the protest lyrics of tracy chapman than the ethics of the empire. so i’m still going to suck. oh well, if i’m not what vagabond is looking for i can always work at the virgin megastore.

i just had my workday rudely interrupted by a publisher’s meeting with a certain southern baptist publishing house that we could abbreviate with a B and H but, as per larry cannon’s request, i am not going to identify here. anyway, at the end of the long-winded meeting i made a point of shaking hands with donald smith, the sales rep for the aforementioned company, and saying, “i interviewed the C.E.O. of your company last month and i told him what a helpful and attentive sales rep you are.” at this, he smiled and thanked me. “no problem,” i responded, “i just affirmed that even though you voted for Kerry, the folks at lightway still love ya.” once again, no response.

more to come…


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