In Uncategorized on December 19, 2005 at 2:46 pm

memorandum from captain random

so, after many recommendations and the sports guy’s shining endorsement, i finally bought a sex, drugs and cocoa puffs by chuck klosterman. at this point all i can say is holy [insert extremely offensive expletive, or e.o.e., here] this is good. klosterman is to gentry as cocaine was to the 86 mets. i’m currently on the phones here at lightway so i can’t offer you anything like a complete review or synopsis at this point. however, i would like to offer you a few representative quotes.

“in and of itself, nothing really matters. what matters is that nothing is ever ‘in and of itself.'” (intro)

concerning a lover left him alone at the waldorf-astoria in order to see a certain band in portland: “it does not matter that coldplay is absolutely the [e.o.e.est] band i’ve ever heard in my entire [] life, or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of travis (who sound like a mediocre copy of radiohead), or that their greatest fucking artistic achievement is a video where their blandly attractive frontman walks on a beach on clouding [] afternoon. none of that matters. what matters is that coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as the ford [] motor company manufactures mustangs, and that’s all this woman heard.” (pg. 3)

concerning the sims: “i am not a benevolent god. i am watching myself writhe in a puddle of my own urine and i offer no response.” (pg. 12)

“everybody is wrong about every everything, just about all the time.” (pg. 14)

“what the sims suggests is that is that buying things makes people happy because it takes their minds off being alive. i would think that would actually actually make them feel worse, but every woman i’ve ever dated seems to disagree.” (pg. 19)

“being interesting has been replaced by being identifiable.” (pg. 40).

in case you didn’t notice…narnia was trampled by king kong and dropped to #2 in the weekend box office ratings. it appears that some of you haven’t been taking advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime evangelistic opportunity. that just sickens me.


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